I am not ready to turn 20
In exactly two months time, I will hit the big two-O.

There are so many things that need to be done before I am no longer a teenager.
I am not prepared to step into adulthood: to bear the consequences of all my actions and to take up responsibilities.

I am not prepared to be fully independent: to strive for my own survival.

On why I am not ready to hit the big two-O: random thoughts from conversations and general observations

The question that pops into my mind often recently: "who am I trying to kid?" It is funny I am even trying to kid myself.

Does growing up miraculously make you truthful to your own selves?

Does maturity force you out of the muddy waters?

. . . .

Relationships are complicated - not easy, no formulas, extremely abstract, not for the faint-hearted or fragile porcelain dolls.

Am I still strong enough to carry on with this long distance relationship?

Am I prepared to face future challenges in this relationship?

What does it really mean to be in a relationship?

What does it really mean to be in a long distance relationship?

. . . .

I muddle things up like a mindless teenager. Things get extremely messy with me.

Does growing up miraculously stop me from seeking excitement in messing things up?

Does maturity force me to make things crystal clear?

. . . .

On recent happenings...
Ridiculous isn't it?
Seriously, what was I thinking?

I know I wasn't thinking. *Violent head shakes*
Dumb, aren't I?
I guess we just weren't thinking.
Ignorance is not always bliss.

. . . .

Where should rationality stand in love relationships?

Should there even be rationality in love relationships?

Rationality: that is why there is no 'happily ever after' ending in the real world?

. . . .

I do dumb stuff to get self-confirmations.

Am I ready to stop self-destructions?

When am I mature enough to seek true self-confirmations from deep down my heart?

When am I mature enough to know that I am beautiful just the way I am?

. . . .

Distance makes hearts fonder. Silence. Really?

Despite the touching speech from my darling this morning, which makes me believe that distance do make hearts fonder, why do I witness so many failed long distance relationships?

What does it really mean to be in a long distance relationship?

How can we constantly be emotionally committed when we are so distracted by our own separate lives in two different cities, two different states and sometimes two different countries?

. . . .

Ever wish life as a dream? I certainly do when I make mistakes and when things get tough.

When am I ready to stop running away from problems, challenges and fears?

And does growing up and maturity force us to be down to earth?

Does maturity stops us from dreaming?

. . . .

Angel face? Be careful, looks can be very deceptive.
Do not judge a book by its cover.

. . . .

Being young is dangerous.

Getting more mature should be something one looks forward to as we get older.

One day, we will brush off our past childish acts with a good laugh.

. . . .

Warning: I can be extremely selfish and lazy.
Do not have high hopes on me.

. . . .

"Do not regret your decisions. Walk on the path you decide to take and let go of the things you sacrifice."

Theoretically: easy to understand.
Practically: difficult to exercise.
Result: Dilemmas.

. . . .

I am not ready to turn 20

I am still a very much dependent person.
I am still easily amused by the glamorous and the luxurious.

I am still curious about the dangerous big wide world ahead of me.

I am still a narrow-minded teen who is not ready for adulthood.

And of course, of all my teen years, I had wished to be in my ideal weight and so, before I turn 20, I wish to have a body like Jessica Alba's. *Fingers crossed*

Last but not least, I hope I will still have the rights to be rebellious after I turn 20.

P/S: Am frustrated with my limited amount of creative juices. When can I write like C or S? =(