I really should be studying Evidence law at the moment and intensely concentrating on the exclusionary provisions of rules upon rules, but blog reading never fail to capture my attention, suck me into a whirlpool of endless reading because it transports me to a magical world of fantasy and imagination.

Though what was black and white on the screen could just be a report of an ordinary, mundane event of a day and one's perception thereafter.

There is magic in the author's articulation and expression and the following paragraphs are what I have failed to articulate to myself countless of times and she could be so eloquent in her words to express what I have exactly felt. To remind myself of these paragraphs, I shall share them on my blog ♥

"I’m an intelligent woman. I know that exercising regularly and eating well is what I need to do. But no matter how much I exercise, or how well I eat, I need to look deeper, because what I weigh on the scales right now is really a reflection of how I feel about myself and my sub conscious beliefs.

It seems when good things start to happen in my life, I sub consciously push the self destruct button, and I am powerless to stop it. No matter what I tell myself, I can’t stop engaging in self destructive behaviours. I hit brick walls within myself, and no matter how hard I try to consciously push through them, I find myself procrastinating, drinking too much and eating crap. Then I resolve to start another health kick, and the whole crazy cycle starts again.

So, the question is, how do I unlock the parts of me that are holding me back from having what I want in life? How do I unstack those bricks, one by one? Because I want to move towards a different life. A life where I can not only fit into my jeans, but a life of wealth. A life of happiness. A life of greater ease. Because I deserve it.

It’s not that I’m not happy, because I am. I have many wonderful things in my life, but, I am reaching for something more. I am trying to reprogram myself, but when I change the channel, all I get is the test pattern or re-runs of Mash. I’m looking for a book deal, my own apartment, but the TV guide says at 7:00pm I’m in for struggle, followed by not being able to pay my bills at 8:00pm.

It’s obvious that I need to have a heart-to-heart with my sub conscious. I need to sit it down and say listen here, you’ve been telling me my whole life that I’m not worthy, but I’m onto you. I’m sick of you holding me back and selling me short. You’re nothing but a big fat liar and you should be worried, really worried, when I tell you that your days are numbered, because I’m bringing in reinforcements.

I’ve spent enough time listening to what you’ve got to say, and quite frankly I’ve had enough. I’ve spent hours in counselling with you, trying to be reasonable and understanding, listening to you list all the reasons I do the things I do, why I attract certain people in my life and yada, yada, yada.

Now, with the help of a hypnotherapist, I’m going to be calling the shots from now on. So pack your bags and clear out. I’m going to have the life I want. The life I deserve. And I’m going to look god damn fabulous in my skinny jeans whilst I’m at. Because I can."