Read the Tea Leaves, Read the Tarot Cards…

I stumbled upon Tarot Chat on Plurk this afternoon – a free tarot card reading session via a chat lobby, after a lovely lunch with J at Grilled, and I thought “well, it’s no harm trying it out!”

My question was: I am just wondering whether I am at the right place in my life with my recently made decisions (in terms of relationships and friendships) and whether I am going in the right direction in my life.

I was pretty darn nervous when it comes to my turn, considering the rest of the participants in the chat log had commented on how good the tarot card reader is. After I popped in my question in the chat log, and she had commented it as a great question *grins*, she replied: “*Ponders* Interesting cards”.

I promptly stopped the music playing in the background, and turn on all ears, fiddling my fingers, heart racing, nervous but eager at the same time to know what she is going to tell me from her tarot card readings.

Then she proceeds:

“I'm pretty sure The Devil in this case is a sense of having felt manipulated and controlled in the past. *big hugs* what I feel here is a sense of abuse, perhaps a boyfriend or father figure. For a long time that influence had you dancing to his tune, and feeling dominated by his arrogance and the choices he made for your life.

You weren't in charge of your own destiny, you were managed by this influence and it was his wishes you obeyed and his opinions that mattered and your life was his to commend.

The energy is very domineering and uncomfortable, like you had to shrink the light inside you to avoid the pain he could bring upon it. The hurt and harm he caused.”

In terms of ex-boyfriend, that is amazingly true. I guess I was stuck in a rut for a while, juggling between what I really want (which at that point of time, I guess I really do not know) and what is expected of me and whether I was making the right decisions. When you can’t be a leader or perhaps you are still learning to be one, then perhaps, be a follower at the meantime?

Abuse in a sense, probably it was emotional abuse? When I was younger and very much more indecisive, I was indeed dancing to his tune, and being a little of a male chauvinist and arrogant person that he is, he was indeed influencing a lot of my life decisions and the pressures he was imposing on me made me think, perhaps I should do what I am supposed to do (i.e. what he wants me to do).

But I guess, there is just so much one can handle with the dominance and I was getting more and more annoyed in my inability to be in-charge of my own life and the pressures he would then impose of me when I decide to do things my own way. The second paragraph was so REALLY true. Ok. It’s just TRUE! Straight on!

I felt as though he was stopping me from shining, from being me, from being who I want to be, therefore the demise of our relationship. The uncomfortable and domineering energy was relief of me when I decide to broke it off, both for his and my own good.

Proceeding on to the next card:

“The Ace of Swords in the present shows that you're just starting to learn to talk about that. To bring it out into the open and perhaps it's upsetting your friends or family to know. As if, they'd seen your light and had no idea that this was going on in that relationship. They’re surprised.

But it's very good that you're giving voice to what was going on then. And doing so, it is shaping a beautiful future.

I get the impression there is already a new partner in your life, or on the horizon of your life.

The Ace of swords is helping you in this new relationship because your new partner senses the timidity that's below the surface. You hold back when he wants you to give, you're still protecting yourself.

And the cards here say you don't need to.”

Nods nods nods! And coming to terms with the past, no matter how awful is that, is going to do some good.

And to the “I get the impression there is already a new partner in your life, or on the horizon of your life.” Oh my goodness. She’s amazing! That will be about my J. :)

In terms of my fear and my holding back, I guess that is something for me to dwell upon and really figure out my own fear, even though I do not really realize it. In a way, I am afraid of doing making mistakes, doing the wrong things etc, juggling between own desires and social expectations, but I don’t really know about that timidity below the surface, and I don’t know whether I am still protecting myself from getting hurt or being domineered over.

But anyways, let’s move on:

“This Ten of Cups is a beautiful union (*dancing around happily =D*). He's a wonderful, loving, giving man. And using the Ace of Swords as you are you can open yourself up with him. Let go of the past influences of your former relationship.

Be free with your new partner, he loves you but he NEEDS you to be present with him, to at least be open with how you're feeling in the moment.

He's strong and I think he'll stick it out but there is a sense of uncertainty in him that stems from him feeling like he needs “kit gloves”, is that the right term? He needs to be careful how he handles you, you're like an injured bird and he's afraid you'll disappear if he moves to fast around you or says the wrong thing or touches you in the wrong way.

So he needs your assurances.”

Amen to that he’s a wonderful, loving, giving man. *Grins* I am one lucky girl. He is perhaps the most giving person I have ever met. He’s indeed wonderful and I am so lucky to have him.

In terms of a sense of uncertainty, I guess he is very careful with how he handles me, perhaps still testing the waters and desperate to have me being me and hopeful that he has chosen ‘the one’, the right one, for himself.

And so she said:

“He's NOT judging you! You don't have to fit into his mold, he just wants you to be the real you with him. I suspect it's you, judging your past, and it feels like him because your past experience was a judgmental man.”

And to conclude this reading with an amazing, wonderful statement:

“Don't let the ex-boyfriend shadow this new man for you. They’re nothing alike!”

*GRINS* :) While looking forward to next week's tarot chat, there is a lot to think about!